Carrying a weight not my own
Caring for child not my own
Yes,
truly,
Grief knows no boundaries
The hands that designed that gun
The hands that made that gun
Sold that gun
Aren't the same ones that shot that gun
And killed their own kind
Dare I open up a can of worms with this
That there's a method to the madness
There are the things that drove a person insane
And although this itself is a constructed idea,
It can be agreed-upon over this kind of death
Where was the mental health counseling for this person?
Does our society promote mental wellness?
For we all live by our heads
Eat out of our heads
Make decisions out of our heads
And should take care of our heads
So we don't get shot through our heads
For you, life goes on
For another, life had died
Mental health and violence
Prevent the dead with a check-in of the head
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Romantic depression
Making sense of my life
Loss of appetite
Scars throbbing
Heart bleeding
Inners longing
Can't focus
Thoughts gravitate to you
Words are inarticulate
I am hungering
Stuttering
Over you
Loss of appetite
Scars throbbing
Heart bleeding
Inners longing
Can't focus
Thoughts gravitate to you
Words are inarticulate
I am hungering
Stuttering
Over you
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
11.13.12
Simultaneous visions.
Simultaneous dreams.
Simultaneous passions you would risk your life for.
Your mental health for.
Your vital human energy for.
The passion is in line with the other.
The goals have the same desire for consequence.
Yet you have a responsibility to choose.
It is only a decision you can make.
The responsibility of "adulthood."
And the moment you break,
is the moment you wake,
to the fact you must choose.
And lose,
having them both at the same time.
Simultaneous dreams.
Simultaneous passions you would risk your life for.
Your mental health for.
Your vital human energy for.
The passion is in line with the other.
The goals have the same desire for consequence.
Yet you have a responsibility to choose.
It is only a decision you can make.
The responsibility of "adulthood."
And the moment you break,
is the moment you wake,
to the fact you must choose.
And lose,
having them both at the same time.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
9.4.12
Even though you're back in the daily grind, I hope that you're feelin fine
We could all heal each other
Give strength to each other
Give hope to each other
Uplift each other
Inspire each other
Motivate each other
Learn from each other
Grow with each other
Support each other
Don't be fake with me, be real with me
We could all heal each other
Give strength to each other
Give hope to each other
Uplift each other
Inspire each other
Motivate each other
Learn from each other
Grow with each other
Support each other
Don't be fake with me, be real with me
9.3.12
It is what it is
And some things you can't change
So get up
Stand up
Put your fists up
Put your game face on
But first get your brain on
People will hurt you
People will take advantage of your patience, compassion, love, and use it for what is comfortable for them.
Comfort.
A stagnancy that is a form of death.
Never chase comfort
Chase the uncomfortable
Chase the better you
The growing you
The more self-aware you
Chase your dreams
And they'll chase you
Patience.
Patience can often be pain
As you wait for someone to:
Realize
Become aware
Wake up
To the glory and the ugly
Patience is an uncomfortable, growing thing, that can result in getting to the most beautiful meadows at the end of the tunnel
Hold on
Keep believing
Stay steadfast
Even when it gets hard
People take advantage of you
You're uncomfortable
You're getting impatient
HOLD ON
STAY PATIENT
HOPE FOR A BETTER DAY
And you may walk into your meadow
And some things you can't change
So get up
Stand up
Put your fists up
Put your game face on
But first get your brain on
People will hurt you
People will take advantage of your patience, compassion, love, and use it for what is comfortable for them.
Comfort.
A stagnancy that is a form of death.
Never chase comfort
Chase the uncomfortable
Chase the better you
The growing you
The more self-aware you
Chase your dreams
And they'll chase you
Patience.
Patience can often be pain
As you wait for someone to:
Realize
Become aware
Wake up
To the glory and the ugly
Patience is an uncomfortable, growing thing, that can result in getting to the most beautiful meadows at the end of the tunnel
Hold on
Keep believing
Stay steadfast
Even when it gets hard
People take advantage of you
You're uncomfortable
You're getting impatient
HOLD ON
STAY PATIENT
HOPE FOR A BETTER DAY
And you may walk into your meadow
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
8.31.12
Preaching to myself
People express care in different ways
Who are you to say what proper expression looks like?
How it is properly manifested?
For as many colors as there are, there are ways to show care
Take your picks of favorite colors,
But never forget the beauty of the rest
People express care in different ways
Who are you to say what proper expression looks like?
How it is properly manifested?
For as many colors as there are, there are ways to show care
Take your picks of favorite colors,
But never forget the beauty of the rest
8.31.12
And if it's not meant to be,
I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned
Life is a life-long
Learning
Growing
Trial and error
Hit and miss
Go for and get
Process
So let's make progress
In this process
I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned
Life is a life-long
Learning
Growing
Trial and error
Hit and miss
Go for and get
Process
So let's make progress
In this process
Monday, August 20, 2012
Struggling to maintain perspective.
Struggling to be mentally strong.
Sometimes I feel like a weakling when it comes to my head.
Sometimes I don't know how to "chill" or "relax" or even "live."
My mind is my weakness
Like for everyone,
The most difficult thing to overcome
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”
Teach me how to think.
Struggling to be mentally strong.
Sometimes I feel like a weakling when it comes to my head.
Sometimes I don't know how to "chill" or "relax" or even "live."
My mind is my weakness
Like for everyone,
The most difficult thing to overcome
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”
Teach me how to think.
Monday, August 13, 2012
It Gets Hard and It's Just the Beginning
Monday, August 14, 2012
12:05 AM
It sucks when you don't feel that the person you love loves you.
And you know that they are dealing with pre-deployment, deployment, and war
And you know you can't be selfish
And you know the situation is so unnatural
And you know you want to know you are that strong
To wait 9 months for a person to return
You want to believe that they will love you the same
But you know by what they have seen and experienced they probably won't see you the same
How am I supposed to dance when you're not there?
How am I supposed to laugh when you're away?
How am I supposed to be free when you are attached to me like a string?
And the string only pulls one way
Because your life experiences have made you seem like you're a rock
That doesn't move
A bridge that doesn't break
And sometimes, a mouth that doesn't crack a smile
You like my poetry
Well tonight, it's about you
You leave tomorrow for two weeks
Two weeks I might not be able to talk to you once
And if I knew you felt about me the way I feel about you, maybe I'd be comfortable with living without you
But in all my comforting and coaching of you, I have been left out
You say you want me too, but you don't make me feel that way
I hear your words but I don't feel your love
And I know I can't be selfish
I can't be selfish because you're the one dealing with the most intense of distance, the most intense threat of death
Yet I am a human with needs
And I will wait
I will be strong
I will hide my tears when I have to
I will refrain from telling you how hard it is for me
I will run to my headphones, running shoes, keyboard, pad and pen,
because I know you are going through more
You are going through more
But is it so hard to be reaffirmed you still feel the same?
And I don't think you do
Because your emotions are clouded
Your mind is re-prioritizing everything and everyone
And I am just a piece of the puzzle
While you are the person I would put my dreams on hold for, the one I would chase before all else
And I am just a piece of the puzzle now
Someone to make time for
Someone to remember to love
Yeah,
I'll be strong and carry on
Keep being a warrior, babe.
12:05 AM
It sucks when you don't feel that the person you love loves you.
And you know that they are dealing with pre-deployment, deployment, and war
And you know you can't be selfish
And you know the situation is so unnatural
And you know you want to know you are that strong
To wait 9 months for a person to return
You want to believe that they will love you the same
But you know by what they have seen and experienced they probably won't see you the same
How am I supposed to dance when you're not there?
How am I supposed to laugh when you're away?
How am I supposed to be free when you are attached to me like a string?
And the string only pulls one way
Because your life experiences have made you seem like you're a rock
That doesn't move
A bridge that doesn't break
And sometimes, a mouth that doesn't crack a smile
You like my poetry
Well tonight, it's about you
You leave tomorrow for two weeks
Two weeks I might not be able to talk to you once
And if I knew you felt about me the way I feel about you, maybe I'd be comfortable with living without you
But in all my comforting and coaching of you, I have been left out
You say you want me too, but you don't make me feel that way
I hear your words but I don't feel your love
And I know I can't be selfish
I can't be selfish because you're the one dealing with the most intense of distance, the most intense threat of death
Yet I am a human with needs
And I will wait
I will be strong
I will hide my tears when I have to
I will refrain from telling you how hard it is for me
I will run to my headphones, running shoes, keyboard, pad and pen,
because I know you are going through more
You are going through more
But is it so hard to be reaffirmed you still feel the same?
And I don't think you do
Because your emotions are clouded
Your mind is re-prioritizing everything and everyone
And I am just a piece of the puzzle
While you are the person I would put my dreams on hold for, the one I would chase before all else
And I am just a piece of the puzzle now
Someone to make time for
Someone to remember to love
Yeah,
I'll be strong and carry on
Keep being a warrior, babe.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Social constructions
I feel that when people break free of social constructions that teach them the way to feel.act.think.and everything else, they realize they start to become everything they want
Act every way they want to act
Perceive things the way they want to perceive things
When people break free of the power of social constructions that work to choke the mind and restrict and conform actions, they break free
Act every way they want to act
Perceive things the way they want to perceive things
When people break free of the power of social constructions that work to choke the mind and restrict and conform actions, they break free
Friday, July 13, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Life as a shawty shouldn’t be so rough
That’s why I do what I do
Groove like I do
Wear the sneaks that I do
Because I don’t believe in the perpetuation of bodies raised in ghettos
Because ghettos don’t raise
They drown
All hope
Potential
Equal opportunity
So light one with me
Let’s go on a journey to see
The reality that is dark
Full of black and brown bodies
Gunshot lullabies
Drug deals leading family members to die
But those brick buildings are so romanticized
High-rise structures of clay codifying the media’s lies
Teaching us that some are less able to perform properly
When ideas of worth were actually factually constructed by society
And so the stereotypes live on
And are maintained in brick buildings
Without a question that the buildings might be raising the bodies
Instead of being responsible for restricting the movement and very progression of unconsidered able bodies
What is life in America without a body?
And what is a body without a mind?
What is the mind without knowledge?
What is knowledge without opportunity to learn?
But one thing to remember is that the color of the body shapes one’s daily grind
And so the bodies of color are seen as expendable
Cogs in the capitalist system of production
Used to advance American imperialism without consent
The system is so strong
The force of good is frail
Who continues to remain?
The bodies that are pale
And who will survive in America?
Those who don’t question
Those who conform
Those who attach themselves to “freedom”
Where “freedom” is a code name for
FREE DOOM
Groove like I do
Wear the sneaks that I do
Because I don’t believe in the perpetuation of bodies raised in ghettos
Because ghettos don’t raise
They drown
All hope
Potential
Equal opportunity
So light one with me
Let’s go on a journey to see
The reality that is dark
Full of black and brown bodies
Gunshot lullabies
Drug deals leading family members to die
But those brick buildings are so romanticized
High-rise structures of clay codifying the media’s lies
Teaching us that some are less able to perform properly
When ideas of worth were actually factually constructed by society
And so the stereotypes live on
And are maintained in brick buildings
Without a question that the buildings might be raising the bodies
Instead of being responsible for restricting the movement and very progression of unconsidered able bodies
What is life in America without a body?
And what is a body without a mind?
What is the mind without knowledge?
What is knowledge without opportunity to learn?
But one thing to remember is that the color of the body shapes one’s daily grind
And so the bodies of color are seen as expendable
Cogs in the capitalist system of production
Used to advance American imperialism without consent
The system is so strong
The force of good is frail
Who continues to remain?
The bodies that are pale
And who will survive in America?
Those who don’t question
Those who conform
Those who attach themselves to “freedom”
Where “freedom” is a code name for
FREE DOOM
Friday, May 25, 2012
Travel Reflections from 1.7.10
I learn the most when I travel.
When pilgrimage is my home.
When my ankles are cold and weak.
When the bottoms of my boots are cracked.
When my calves are bruised.
When my outfit is alternated by a different jacket.
When bars nuts and fruit are my stomach's closest friends.
When my eyes find no rest.
When I wander more than I hold still.
How my heart melts when I travel.
How I find refuge in my pilgrimage.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
music on the radio
Is music about words or beats
Radio seems to tell me beats
But it's not what you find on the streets
Radio seems to tell me beats
But it's not what you find on the streets
Sunday, April 8, 2012
journey to become alive
21 and instead of feeling like new life has begun,
I feel like my life has ended
I no longer feel alive
And if I share this poetry with you
It is not a poem of overcoming
But a poem of becoming
And out of respect and love for myself
I will continue to struggle to pick myself up
From this pit of unhappiness
I never thought I'd say these words
I never thought I'd be the one who is depressed
I never thought I wouldn't feel purpose in my life
I never thought I would wake up unhappy every day
But this what I have come to
And this where I find myself
It is from here I must move on
It is from here I must become better
It is from here that I will persevere
It is from here I will figure out what got me to this place
I will reread the chapters of my life
Before I write new ones
And it's a real and deep place where I'm at
You cannot sugar-coat things when you are depressed
Things ARE
And things are REAL
There is no reason to lie
You are ever-sensitive to truth
And I hope I am able to find balance, stability, joy, love, and strength that is real and lasting in the world and beyond
Once I get out of this pit
On my journey of life
To become alive.
-From the heart,
Jess
I feel like my life has ended
I no longer feel alive
And if I share this poetry with you
It is not a poem of overcoming
But a poem of becoming
And out of respect and love for myself
I will continue to struggle to pick myself up
From this pit of unhappiness
I never thought I'd say these words
I never thought I'd be the one who is depressed
I never thought I wouldn't feel purpose in my life
I never thought I would wake up unhappy every day
But this what I have come to
And this where I find myself
It is from here I must move on
It is from here I must become better
It is from here that I will persevere
It is from here I will figure out what got me to this place
I will reread the chapters of my life
Before I write new ones
And it's a real and deep place where I'm at
You cannot sugar-coat things when you are depressed
Things ARE
And things are REAL
There is no reason to lie
You are ever-sensitive to truth
And I hope I am able to find balance, stability, joy, love, and strength that is real and lasting in the world and beyond
Once I get out of this pit
On my journey of life
To become alive.
-From the heart,
Jess
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Fed Up from a lack of love
I feel incomplete if I don't have support from people, anyone else with me? It's not good to live life alone but have I missed the train that has abandoned the daily or at least weekly desire to truly spend time with and check in with a person, a friend? If our culture has become so individualized we only hang out with people when is convenient for us or when we feel like "socializing," that's not really a culture I want to be part of. Where is real community? Where is commitment that is part of real friendship? Where has that intimacy and that love gone? Where are the responses when I just check in to ask how you are? Do you think nobody is genuine anymore? I know we live in a world of computers, but it's still only love that can reboot us. I didn't imagine it would be radical to care about people... but I've learned it's radical to think they would care and invest likewise... excuse my venting but I don't do it often.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Reconsider Privilege
It's not as simple as black and white
And there isn't always just a Black and a White
Sometimes there is someone self-conscious about their skin color
And they are not Black
But they don't feel White
They identify in their internal world with people of color
But the outside world doesn't seem to align
And she doesn't feel in her place
Or just out of place
She wants the two worlds to meet
Cuz she never identified with the privileged
And although people might tell her she is because she is White
She doesn't feel White
She forgets the very color of her skin
And it's right under her nose
It's on her nose
And it's all part of becoming self-conscious
In the awareness kind of way
But she's self-conscious in both ways when people of color look at her and wonder what in the world she wants
I am not here to "help"
To exert power
Or privilege
I am here to stand in solidarity
To struggle together
To overcome together
Because although my skin color is lighter
My blood is the same color
And perhaps when we think about it,
We would realize the tension flowing through our veins
Is one in the same
And there isn't always just a Black and a White
Sometimes there is someone self-conscious about their skin color
And they are not Black
But they don't feel White
They identify in their internal world with people of color
But the outside world doesn't seem to align
And she doesn't feel in her place
Or just out of place
She wants the two worlds to meet
Cuz she never identified with the privileged
And although people might tell her she is because she is White
She doesn't feel White
She forgets the very color of her skin
And it's right under her nose
It's on her nose
And it's all part of becoming self-conscious
In the awareness kind of way
But she's self-conscious in both ways when people of color look at her and wonder what in the world she wants
I am not here to "help"
To exert power
Or privilege
I am here to stand in solidarity
To struggle together
To overcome together
Because although my skin color is lighter
My blood is the same color
And perhaps when we think about it,
We would realize the tension flowing through our veins
Is one in the same
Sunday, February 12, 2012
dreams
Yes, my eyes have bags in them
That's the effect of a dreamer chasin em
And it's really true that they move to tears any time of the day
To finally experience justice
That's the dream that I chase
And some people tell me I'm genuine
Amazing
Inspirational
And it's all the product of a chaser
And I'm a chaser because of the way life has formed me
The way that my parents' situations have formed me
I feel like they were placed in a misplaced culture
And gave birth to three children
I was almost not born
Because the struggle of immigration of life in Brooklyn with no mastery over a new language, city, culture, and economy, as well as a new daughter under 1 year of age
Were odds against my being
Almost prevented me from birth
But here I am
And I thank my mother for the decision not to abort my chance
And I thank Gd for the miracle of a kick my mother felt
And sometimes I feel the struggle of my parents...
I always feel the struggle of my parents...
And I carry it in my backpack, that's what makes it heavy
And it is the extermination of their dreams that have formed mine
One day I will dream (and will) tell them:
"Mamma, papa, I am going to graduate school.
I am moving to New York.
I am going to study what I want.
And one day I will tell you both you don't have to work any more because I will support you.
I love you.
Thank you for everything you've ever given me.
I've learned not to even take for granted that I am alive.
And it's all from you.
Except for all the things I've worked for myself
And have kept secret from you these past four years of college.
Well, all the times you drove me to airport for a "conference."
All the times I couldn't visit you on the weekend,
or only had time to stay the night and leave in the morning,
well Mom and Pop,
it was for this.
It was all for you.
And so I realize that all the things I have worked for myself have actually been not by myself.
Because your struggle is my energy
Your tears I don't see but I feel and use them as tear-diesel to fuel my actions and pursuit
It's all for you,
Mom and Pop.
I love you."
That's the effect of a dreamer chasin em
And it's really true that they move to tears any time of the day
To finally experience justice
That's the dream that I chase
And some people tell me I'm genuine
Amazing
Inspirational
And it's all the product of a chaser
And I'm a chaser because of the way life has formed me
The way that my parents' situations have formed me
I feel like they were placed in a misplaced culture
And gave birth to three children
I was almost not born
Because the struggle of immigration of life in Brooklyn with no mastery over a new language, city, culture, and economy, as well as a new daughter under 1 year of age
Were odds against my being
Almost prevented me from birth
But here I am
And I thank my mother for the decision not to abort my chance
And I thank Gd for the miracle of a kick my mother felt
And sometimes I feel the struggle of my parents...
I always feel the struggle of my parents...
And I carry it in my backpack, that's what makes it heavy
And it is the extermination of their dreams that have formed mine
One day I will dream (and will) tell them:
"Mamma, papa, I am going to graduate school.
I am moving to New York.
I am going to study what I want.
And one day I will tell you both you don't have to work any more because I will support you.
I love you.
Thank you for everything you've ever given me.
I've learned not to even take for granted that I am alive.
And it's all from you.
Except for all the things I've worked for myself
And have kept secret from you these past four years of college.
Well, all the times you drove me to airport for a "conference."
All the times I couldn't visit you on the weekend,
or only had time to stay the night and leave in the morning,
well Mom and Pop,
it was for this.
It was all for you.
And so I realize that all the things I have worked for myself have actually been not by myself.
Because your struggle is my energy
Your tears I don't see but I feel and use them as tear-diesel to fuel my actions and pursuit
It's all for you,
Mom and Pop.
I love you."
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Gender studies
Womyn are to be shock absorbers?
That I am
But I do not hold myself to be "an appropriately sexed person"
If one is, they are required to RECOGNIZE a person
Before they can "allow one's heart to beat or one's blood to flow in erotic enjoyment of that person"
I say
Let the heart beat
And the blood flow
Live
...Culture is so pervasive
Normative conceptions of what is beautiful, "man", or "woman" dominate...
every...
part...
of...
life
Embodied in idealized prescriptions
If I believed in prescriptions, I'd visit a pharmacy
But I believe in that holistic healing
So Doctor, forget prescribing me
That I am
But I do not hold myself to be "an appropriately sexed person"
If one is, they are required to RECOGNIZE a person
Before they can "allow one's heart to beat or one's blood to flow in erotic enjoyment of that person"
I say
Let the heart beat
And the blood flow
Live
...Culture is so pervasive
Normative conceptions of what is beautiful, "man", or "woman" dominate...
every...
part...
of...
life
Embodied in idealized prescriptions
If I believed in prescriptions, I'd visit a pharmacy
But I believe in that holistic healing
So Doctor, forget prescribing me
Monday, January 16, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
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