It Gets Hard and It's Just the Beginning

Monday, August 14, 2012
12:05 AM

It sucks when you don't feel that the person you love loves you.
And you know that they are dealing with pre-deployment, deployment, and war
And you know you can't be selfish
And you know the situation is so unnatural
And you know you want to know you are that strong
To wait 9 months for a person to return
You want to believe that they will love you the same
But you know by what they have seen and experienced they probably won't see you the same

How am I supposed to dance when you're not there?
How am I supposed to laugh when you're away?
How am I supposed to be free when you are attached to me like a string?
And the string only pulls one way
Because your life experiences have made you seem like you're a rock
That doesn't move
A bridge that doesn't break
And sometimes, a mouth that doesn't crack a smile

You like my poetry
Well tonight, it's about you
You leave tomorrow for two weeks
Two weeks I might not be able to talk to you once
And if I knew you felt about me the way I feel about you, maybe I'd be comfortable with living without you
But in all my comforting and coaching of you, I have been left out
You say you want me too, but you don't make me feel that way
I hear your words but I don't feel your love
And I know I can't be selfish
I can't be selfish because you're the one dealing with the most intense of distance, the most intense threat of death
Yet I am a human with needs
And I will wait
I will be strong
I will hide my tears when I have to
I will refrain from telling you how hard it is for me
I will run to my headphones, running shoes, keyboard, pad and pen,
because I know you are going through more
You are going through more

But is it so hard to be reaffirmed you still feel the same?
And I don't think you do
Because your emotions are clouded
Your mind is re-prioritizing everything and everyone
And I am just a piece of the puzzle
While you are the person I would put my dreams on hold for, the one I would chase before all else
And I am just a piece of the puzzle now
Someone to make time for
Someone to remember to love

Yeah,
I'll be strong and carry on
Keep being a warrior, babe.