Why write?

Why breathe?

Emotions

I have become so emotional
It's a part of life
And it feels so right
Because although I can't feel the blood in my veins
I can feel the tears swell
And wet my face

One recent discovery I made about myself.

April 10, 2009

Is that I love myself.
But I don’t love myself.
I believe in love.
I believe in faith.
I believe a narrow truth should not make people narrow-minded.

And too often it does.
People take advantage of grace.

I love grace.
I love love.

Love.

I want to be known in town as a poet.
I only want to be famous to be known as a poet.

Still, the most blessed people take advantage of grace.

I am an idealist.
A realist.
And an optimist.
All at the same time.
I move to beats.
I want to have a groovy sound-maker as my spouse.
I have belief in Yeshua.
Still, I have so many unanswered questions.

It turns into a math equation.
Which is more powerful?
The unbelief or the belief?
It is obvious what is better to cling to.
But people resist living in faith because of fear.
Fear of taking steps of faith.
Fear of the unknown.
The invisible.
And that is why people take out their palette.
Their guitar.
Their clay.
To become in touch with things they cannot touch.

That is why I love ideas.
That is why I love love.
Because I can’t see it.
And at the same time, it keeps me moving.

It is like blood.
Moving through like a river.
Every second I am alive.
And I can’t see it.
But it keeps me alive.
It is underappreciated.
But it is alive, and in it I put my trust.

So, thanks for the invisible.
Thanks for the unseen.
And thanks for fear.
Because it draws me to you.

humble

January 9, 2010

It humbles me to my knees
You giving me all these things
Sweet memories

You are my King
The song I sing
The bell ring-ring-ring-a-ling

In my heart
Its a start
You and I will never part

The trees
The leaves
The bees
They are all just fantasies

I rejoice in what You've made
It hasn't stayed the same
Its changed
Like me
But I'm more than a memory

You lead me to pleasant pastures
To still waters
Where the river runs
And my soul's relieved

Mischief
Look at all the pain I caused
The dead and lost
And I found place among em

But I cried out to You and You picked me up
You are my Rock
My high Tower
My Deliverer

And even when my mouth is slurred and I can't find the words, You hear
me still
You are the pill
The fire drill
The water to my soul

So with words unheard, heart unuttered, You know me deep
No secrets I could keep
Your Presence's all around
Like a prayer shawl
On the head of a man at the Western Wall

When my heart is cracked
And my brain is whacked
You remain the same
You never change
You love me still

And so I sing,
Ayts khayeem hee' lamakhazeekeem bah v'tomkheha m'ooshar
[A tree of life it (is) to those who take hold of it and happy are those who support it]

The pains I hear
The fullness of fear
The feelings of void and loneliness
If only they tasted Your goodness
Your lovingkindness
Your warm embrace

They would fall on their face
And turn around
Have fulfillment found

For Your Love is life planted in our midst
Complete goodness
Everlasting
And You say, You will never leave us nor forsake us

Oh, my strong Rock
My Sar Shalom
G-d, You are so beautiful
I want to know You more

Not what's in store but just Your Name
Your great Fame
But you bless me still

I'm pouring out tears as I write
Because of your blessings

I ask You, please stop
Don't bless me
I can't handle anymore
I'm already filled to overflow

I'm overwhelmed by Your love
It's too much for my weak heart
When did this start

When I fell for You
But I remember You are the G-d of my youth
You've loved me from the womb

And now I love You back
I am fulfilled
You are the reason that I live
For we must all call into question the reason that we breathe

All You have for me are plans of good
Songs to sing
Your Torah of Love

It's enough to make Gilad Shalit sing
The prisoners' hearts ring
The victims in joy scream

Little boy, you have no idea what's in store
For one day you'll be a man
And the people will clap their hands and rejoice
Like the trees of the field in the last days

For you will be a king
The shofar's tune will ring
And your people will be saved from evil's hand
Justice will stand
And its roots will spread
It will reign in your head

And you'll rejoice
You'll sing for joy
For You will be judged and win
You'll be saved from your sin

Praise the King
The Holy One of Israel
The Bread of Life
Crushing man's pride

And so we sing,
D'rakheha darkhay no-am v'khol n'teevoteha shalom
Hasheevaynoo Adonai elekha v'nashoovah khadesh yamaynoo k'kedem
[Its ways (are) ways of pleasantness and all its paths are peace
Turn us L-rd to you and let us return renew our days as of old]
Ahmeyn.

Wow. This is life.

June 21, 2011

I can feel the pulse through my veins.

Confronting imperfections.
Wrongs.
Past mistakes.
That never seem to go away.

I am walking on a better path.
It is a path of resistance.
Difficult, laborious, requiring all of me, and the nearness or end is not clear.

It surfaces itself again.
I can see it.
Remember it.
And am reminded of it.

I push on.
Towards the light.
Illuminating the darkness in my heart.
Leaving behind the past, disconnecting from the things I have done, and letting it push me forward.

I must be honest with myself.
I have done wrong.

I have the courage to confront my flaws.
And the courage to change them.

There is always the risk of being judged for what I have done.
I have done wrong.

I must struggle on to live out who I am in its purity.
Until there is less struggle.

With reclaimed values, I live on.
I live on.