journey to become alive

21 and instead of feeling like new life has begun,
I feel like my life has ended
I no longer feel alive
And if I share this poetry with you
It is not a poem of overcoming
But a poem of becoming
And out of respect and love for myself
I will continue to struggle to pick myself up
From this pit of unhappiness

I never thought I'd say these words
I never thought I'd be the one who is depressed
I never thought I wouldn't feel purpose in my life
I never thought I would wake up unhappy every day
But this what I have come to
And this where I find myself

It is from here I must move on
It is from here I must become better
It is from here that I will persevere
It is from here I will figure out what got me to this place
I will reread the chapters of my life
Before I write new ones

And it's a real and deep place where I'm at
You cannot sugar-coat things when you are depressed
Things ARE
And things are REAL
There is no reason to lie
You are ever-sensitive to truth
And I hope I am able to find balance, stability, joy, love, and strength that is real and lasting in the world and beyond
Once I get out of this pit
On my journey of life
To become alive.


-From the heart,
Jess